Do not like

Well I appears I do not have to graduate before the first of September. I can be before the first of October...
Due to holiday season, tutors living in a cabin in a forrest where one could only reach them by mail.. regular mail.. with stamps and mailmen that is... and bureaucratic procedures (everything must be 3 weeks in advance....) September would have been very very difficult. Ofcourse if my tutor would want it enough, there would always have been possibilities... but today I heard he was disappointed in me and thought I could have done better...
So that explains the feeling I always get when I leave there...
I think now I officially hate him...for making me feel so completely useless, stupid and for making me feel he could have used his time better.
I have only hated two people before in my life, and they had serious mental problems.
I wonder what his excuse is.

Is this me?

Hahahahaha... well... I have got about a week and a half to finish my thesis...
Or at least try my fucking hardest to do so.
So what did I do? I ordered a fly lady calendar, 2 feather dusters and some I am proud of you pencils. I think they will come in when my biggest stress is gone, so there is some true reward, at least I hope so.
It made me smile everytime I open my mail and see they are shipping my order.
So for now I am a very happy stressed out person...

I am still weirded out by the fact a stupid calendar, some dusters and pencils are making my day(s). What about buying clothes or candy or girly girl stuff... OR EVEN BOOKS..... I must be ill.

In doubt

There were a couple of things I never doubted about myself. I never doubted I was smart, I could analyse and I could write.
Needless to say my graduation professor has made me feel so incredibly stupid I feel I cannot do any of those things anymore.
I do not know how he does it, but man.. do I never want to see him again.
Unfortunately tomorrow I have another appointment.
I handed in half a paper, for something I know I could have done when my selfesteem wasn't sub zero. But now... I think I am just waiting for him to burn it down.
And that is not something I am looking forward to.